I have moved accounts, this one is no longer active.

All on-going fictions will be continued on my new account-

bittersweetwish

So if you wish to re-add me, catch up with my fics, add me as a friend, whichever, there is where to be.

:) Thanks.

Moi, bella :)

Anyways, Kelly Clarkson gig last night. Oh my god, why do I always get into a musican/band far more after I've seen them live?! Her voice is amazing, and I love her new album. The lyrics's are just soo...gah. Must buy album, yes?

Well, after Panic and Fall Out Boy. Nothing is going to tear me away from me emo boys kthnx.

So, back to the gig. It was fun. I bought a prgramme as I always seem to do that at gigs, they're so shiny and hard to resist.  Although they are a waste of money, they're slightly less a waste of money than the clothes and stuff. Anyway, it's one of my gig traditions. Support act was Jay Sean, I've heard of him from somewhere...anyway, yes, not half bad really. He did a cover of Lily Allen's Smile in his own style, which was pretty good. 

Having, err, height issues (aka, short) I was pretty happy that no tall people decided to stand in front of me until the end. It's one of the hardships of having a height deficiency. That and everyone thinking you're thirteen or something. Wow my grammar's gone to pot with this blog, can't spell or use words proper, like.

Therefore, the gig was sehr amazing, I've found a new fandom and I'm going off to read plenty of slash porn. What else can you do on a bank holiday Monday, eh?
 

Happy Easter <3 -gives chocolate- 

I got given chocolate covered strawberries instead of an egg, how great is that?! Thank you family of minee. I'm not big on chocolate so it's a nice surprisee. Plus I'm getting the FOB live cd and Panic's new albumm. Fun times baby, fun times.

I think memories are getting in the way of today, it doesn't feel right...without someone here that should be. A bit empty and hollow, there's a hole in the atmosphere that only could be filled by themm. I miss them, but death isn't something you can control, right? It's an wave of fate and destiny, a notch in life's tapestry.

I think what I'm trying to say is-meh. Life's a bitch.

Kelly Clarkson gig tonight, looking forward to it, listening to heer new album on youtube at the moment. Something I really should have done before but doesn't that leave more surprises in life, eh? Off with some friends that I haven't known long so feeling kinda weird.

My computer's having a hissy fit so I'm going to have to get ome tecchie help. Won't left me do system restore or do control panel, the two most important things. And worst of all, our heroes control, alt and delate do nothing to help. Eeep.

Went shopping yesterday, was funn. I'm now apparently Beowolf, an old man with a beard. And attached to my beard is a squirral. Believe me, that's normal with my mates. I can't control the wind though, sadly. Bought a Torchwood book (Border Princes) and a manga (Fake) plus a top and (finally) the Mcfly Greatest Hits, just because I felt disloyal waiting so long to get it.

I don't know why. Listening to it, the new songs aren't exactly...umm, wonderful. I'm losing my fandom of them a little. I can still read fanfics but the music isn't capturing me so much anymore. Maybe after Aus that'll change. New album, new sound, and all that. Yeah. I dunno. Anyway I've started writing for other fandoms- Panic (Ryden, Jon/Spencer) FOB (Petrick) MCR (Iero/Way) and crossover (Poynter/Wentz, blah de blah) However, I think I'm on the edge of a writer's block which is worrying. I wanted to write so much yesterday, opened Word and all I could come up with is a load of crapp.

Anyways, hopefully I'll be able to rescue my imagination from the pits of despair somewhen soon. In the meantime I'll go skip merrily looking for the easter bunny, where's wally style.

What's the first thing you do when waking up in the morning? 
Weekday- turn off my alarm clock.

Weekend- Complain that it’s too early still. It's always too early.

Do you prefer a shower or bath? 
Shower.

How many times a day do you brush your teeth?
Twice.

What would you do with your significant other if you knew today was your last day with them? 
Erm…god, that’s a hard, hard question. Tell him exactly how I felt, probably. I'm not good at talking about my emotions so something like that would give me a big kick to do something.

Have you said "I love you" today? 
*thinks* Yup, I say I love you to everything, including my computer. When it does what I say, ofc.

What's one thing you actually remember about kindergarten? 
The sand pit. I think even at college ten minutes should be dedicated to sand pit playing :]

Did you cry at your graduation or smile because you were glad it was over?
Graduation at year 11, I felt…weird. Almost sad, almost crying, but not quite. Kind of numb, detached from the whole thing. It was strange.

Are you closer with your mom or dad? 
Mum, definitely.

Is chocolate really better than sex? 
The jury is out.

What's 2 of your favorite movies? 
The Lost Boys, I love dodgy 80s films.

And The Notebook, slushy gushy romance films are just beautiful.

What's the last thing you think about before going to sleep at night? 
’Why can’t I sleeeep…’

Insomnia is not pretty.

What would you do if your best friend jumped on your ex the day after you two split? 
Bitchslap her? I mean seriously, rebound much? Knowing me, I’d do and say nothing, I’d left them get together no matter how much it hurts, let them be happy instead of me.

Does your life seem to revolve around drama? 
Often, yes.

What's a nickname you go by? 
Emzy (doddle-kins)

How do you calm down when your extremely angry? 
Rant in my head. Write, play music to drown everything out.

What are 3 places you want to see in the world? 
Australia, Japan and America <3

I’d love to go to those places.

A movie or a long walk in the park on the first date? 
Hmm…how about a walk after the film?

What are 3 of the first things you notice about the opposite sex? 
Hair, eyes and smile.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
 University over with, hopefully on my gap year by then.

In 10? 
Got a good career, good relationship, good friends? *optimistic*

Do long distance relationships actually work out? 
My friend is a good example of these.

She’s found someone perfect for her, it doesn’t matter that he lives in America, the distance doesn’t matter as long as they love each other.

When they get together over here, it’s going to be adorable.

What are 2 of your favorite places to eat?
Pizza Hut, and err… *thinks* The Italian near where I live.

What's one of your favorite TV shows? 
Torchwood. It’s just amazing.

What did you want to be when you "grow up"? 
An airplane?

I wanted to be either an author or an archaeologist.  I still have the author dream <3

Where do your hands go when kissing someone?
Round the neck.

Do you know who lives in a pineapple under the sea? 
Spongebob.

Would you want a house at the beach or in the mountains? 
Beach, beach, beach *squeals* I want a house by the sea, always have.

Which would you rather have...a huge walk in shower or a jacuzzi bath tub big enough for 2? 
Umm…how about a normal sized shower?

What are 2 of your favorite colors? 
Purple and green.

Do you look up or at your feet when you walk? 
Down, I fall over a lot so sometimes it’s safer to look down at my feet, make sure I don’t go flying XD

What's your favorite ice cream? 
Ben and Jerrys. Cookie Dough…

Do you like Starbucks...or are they just overpriced? 
Never been, I’m a deprived  person.

One day…

 
What color are your eyes? 
Greeny Hazel.

 
Do you have glasses or contacts? 
Neither.

Ever had someone you love tell you they never want to see or talk to you again? 
Nope, pheww.

Is it love at first sight or lust? 

I think it may not be love, but there is a strict difference between that and lust at first sight.

Lust is just when you fancy someone, you can have a much deeper connection. You can fall in love at first sight, but when you don’t know the person you can’t be ‘in love’.

That’s my opinion anyways.

Which do you want...a big extravagant wedding or a quiet intimate ceremony?
Quiet intimate one by the beach, or small gathering in a prettyful church *nods*

What's the most expensive thing you own? 
Laptop.

Do you ever actually make your bed? 
Hardly ever. I’m lazy, okay?

How many pillows do you have to sleep with? 
*counts* 5, 6? I love pillows.

Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone? 
Alone. With insomnia I can never sleep if someone else is in the room.

What is one of your pet peeves? 
People being bitchy or nasty.

What could you tolerate...someone who snores or a sleep walker? 
A sleep walker. I could take them on a tour around the house.

Would you rather sky dive or bungee jump? 
Oh godd…sky dive, because I’ve wanted to do that for a while now, even though I’d be terrified.

Ever been outside of the US? 
*blinks* Living in England, I’d say definitely XD

What time is it right now? 
9.20.

Do you prefer to call or text someone? 
Text, I don’t like calling people. It’s a weird habit of mine.

Who is your celebrity heart-throb? 
Gerard Way/Pete Wentz/ Tom Fletcher.

Genetically modify them all into one hot superbeing, I’d be in heaven.

Are you a party animal or someone who prefers to stay in?
Prefer to stay in. I don't go to parties much, my mates and I prefer to stay in or travel to places like London.

Are you a happy person?
 Hmm. I can be, I can be quite hopeful and optimistic and hyper/insane.

But other times I can be depressed, morbid and emo.

It depends on what day you find me.

How many concerts have you been to? 
*counts*

Mcfly 4 times, Busted once, Fall Out Boy once, Mcr once, err, and I know there are others, but I forget now.

Do they "wear-out" good songs by over playing them? 
Yup! I usually dislike songs that are really overplayed, then the radios stop playing them, like Umbrella by Rihanna, and I start liking them.

Have you ever flat ironed your hair? 
Nope. I have straighteners but I never use them.

Do you have a hidden talent? 
I can cope pretty well without sleep :P

Are you an adrenaline junkie or someone who plays-it-safe? 
Mixture, kinda.

What is one of your childhood memories? 
Being on my tricycle cycling around the kitchen and circling my Mum as she told me off XD

Do you like to cuddle? 
Yes, hugs are awesome.

Do you like the heat or cold weather? 
Summer is pretty nice, but Autumn is perfect. Not too hot and not constant rain.

Do you prefer dogs or cats? 
Cats. I have one who is slightly psychopathic.

When no one is home...do you actually walk around naked? 
No way.

Do you prefer scary movies or comedies? 
I love them both.

Ever had a huge crush on someone and never tell them? 
Yes. Never ever going to tell them though.

Are you a bashful or outgoing person? 
Shy, I’m one of the quiet ones you should watch out for.

Would you drive 1000 miles for the one you love? 
If I could legally drive…then yes.

Will you move away from your hometown any time soon? 
Possibly. Maybe for Uni, I’m unsure. It would be hard to leave my home.

Would you actually relocate for the one you can't live without? 
Maaybe.

How many texts do you send on average a month? 
Quite a few. In a month…around 20-30? Perhaps more.

How many kids do you want? 
Two?

What's your favorite name for a girl and boy? 
Girl, Ebony.

Boy- Harry or Daniel?

What are you about to do now that this survey is over? 

Cry?

Oh woe, morbid title. 

Having a depressive day which is getting on my nerves. Although it's been like that since Sunday which makes it a depressive three days. I don't see why I'm saying this. Anyways, after a nice weekend where I was actually able to write and be creative I'm now feeling quite bad.

Life sucks. Yes, I get that by now. I'm sixteen years old, and vy that age everyone has come to the same conclusion. But why can't it suck all the time? Why does it have to have moments where your hopes are raised, you see some positive, some reason to hold on? Why do these times cloud your mind and make you think there is a reason after all for being here?

Because all too quickly, those times are forgotten, or worse, wiped away. Life turns in the pain once again and you realise that those moments were shallow steps of a passerby.
Hey, I warned you. Depressive title=depressive rant. Now, here comes the more hopeful stuff.

I remembered a good quote today. Pain makes us who we are. It makes us individual, it makes us human. If we hadn't have struggled through that tough time, would you  have been the same person you are today, and is that a good thing? Thinking back, for me that's a definite maybe. All the crap makes you stronger, so you can deal with something worse next time.

This journal makes no sense.  Anyway, I remembered Mother's Day *proud* And, erm, I bought chocolate and stuff. Yays. College is being utter crappola and I'm toying between 'can't wait to leave' and 'terrified at going' It's complicated, I'll miss people from my college and the neighbouring one, but at the same time it's so many early mornings and the free time that I can't do anything with because the bus service only comes once an hour so I can't go anywhere or do anything gets on my nerves.

Happy post next time, promise :)

 

I have no idea why I called it that.
So yes, anyway I thought I needed to update this.

College getting on my nerves, really. Six AM starts everyday, bus journeys constantly, and having to travel for two hours a day. Meh, so far, so survivable.

So my college then decides, 'Oh yeah, we're £40 million in debt, let's go and close the college and move it to the other college site miles away."

That would now mean having to get up earlier, having more buses and travelling for three to four hours a day.
I really can't do this, I'm going to miss some of the people and the lessons but it's really not worth it. I'm moving to sixth form where it all seems so much easier. Maybe I'm giving up way too easily but it's my choice. I love how my family understands that, they refuse to talk about it at all so I have to depend on advice from other people. I'm terrifed about how my family will take it, last time I mentioned it they went on about how I was trashing my life but they're going to have to deal with it.

/Rantover  *deep breath* I needed to do that. Happy happy happy. I'm so effing happy.

I'll be posting some more SAs and stuff up soon. Writer's block is really suckish.